sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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