First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dick has a subreddit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
