I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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