are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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