you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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