Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
