those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
