he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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