Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
