I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
