I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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