i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
