If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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