Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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