There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
