i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
