She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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