i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
