she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
