I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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