i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
