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i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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