she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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