Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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