she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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