you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
