I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
