my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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