I love black thongs
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
