I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
