I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
