just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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