My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
