OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
