he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
