What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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