i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
