I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
