just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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