You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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