How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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