Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
