i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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