they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
