TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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