your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
