When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
