Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
