if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
