yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
