She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
