There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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