My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
