So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
