I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
