apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
