my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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