Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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