i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
