so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Randomize
