If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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