I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
