Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
