Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
