If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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