i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
