I haven't been this sober since birth.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
