i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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