apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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