i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
