I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
