I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
