Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
